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about

what I said to myself often in a stretch of lost love blues

lyrics

And I just hope you’re somewhere good right now
If I was there I’d make it better
But as you have seen fit to cut me out
I suppose I’ll have a rum

Ma nana
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca

I wish you bright yellow memories
A warm centre and a head for humans
An eye for splendour and a sense of movement
Cash enough you’re not swinging from a chewed length of shoestring
Enough to get the train and strength of brain to drink the views in
Presence in your space in such ways
Your day is unstained by making up ways
To frame it as a status update
I wish you knowledge of your own needs
and words to speak em
Wish you to be home free
Wish you to be never lonely
To wake up in a room that’s full of air and sun
For somebody who gets your oddness to be there to hug
You like you want them to
Including room for honest truth
Someone you can read Dylan Thomas to
And they will never cock a snook or say
Very Nice Dear
When you tell em heaven’s right here
Look look
The view’s amazing
If you ignore the smell of piss
The highest kings are not living as well as this
And you squeeze the elegance from charity shop shoes
And pride from the tenner they cost you
Nothing stretches further
Than your eye for bargains
Though in another life you’re made for first class compartments
You a Empress
I wish you feta cheese, bread and port
And to be freed from money worry now and ever more
I wish you to be high as heaven
Forty seventh floor
With fizzy wine and all yr friends in red feathers and leather draws
You’re better than me
I wish you self-love to know that
You built a marvel off your own back
I wish you good rum, a hammock
Warm breeze
But more than al these
I wish you’d call me.

And I just hope you’re somewhere good right now
If I was there I’d make it better
But as you have seen fit to cut me out
I suppose I’ll have a rum
And all I wrote and all I said was love
I’m pretty sure she got that letter
And so she knows I know I fucked this up
I suppose I’ll have a rum

Ma nana
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca

I am a goner
I couldn’t stay
She hammered on and on in my brain for days
She rollercoaster
She cry and cry
I wanna I wanna take to her like a bird to flight
She’s Amazonas
The mother form
Them other fauns are never gonna be love and war
She’s love and war
She loves and rages
She sunny days then smothers me with a sudden shade
Shadow to shadow
Jewel to jewel
Flickering ritual she’s a witch I’m a fool’s fool
Familiar cupboard
Familiar dance
Spinning in the dark
Flashing my hideous parts
I isn’t a bastard
I swear down
This isn’t my usual way of being
I’m in and I’m out
I’m in and I’m out
Wringing my hands, pulling my hair
Crooked and starey yeah
I’m shook and I’m scared
What are the bloody rules to the running game
She’s my sun, my hellfire, my sun again
She won again
I’m running back
Number 70 bus honey I’m coming I’m coming

Ma nana
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca
Tu vas te faire mal comme ca

And through the conquering eye she blazed me down
She kills me till I’ll never get up
I am an island that she rages round
I suppose I’ll have a rum

credits

from Leroy Merlin EP, released March 10, 2017
Words & production: Dizraeli
Production & cuts: DownLow
Production & bass: Nathan Feddo

Mixed by Dizraeli

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